Portable Toilets With A Stoma Bag – Coping With The Madness

Even Sonikmummy gets caught out sometimes!

I’ve previously told you all about how to prepare for a night out, pretty much everywhere and anywhere. But, here’s the thing, even I get caught out sometimes! So, I thought, why not share my latest experience (now that the shock has worn off!)

Portable toilets with a stoma bag – total Madness?

Back at the start of September, I bought tickets to see Madness at Kent County Cricket Ground. Given the location, I didn’t give much thought to the toilet situation there. I mean, the Ashes are played there so the toilet facilities had to be top notch, right? Wrong. When we turned up, I saw it was portable toilets. Not the end of the world, I’ve used those before and I do carry a couple of nappy bags in my “Bag of Tricks”.

It all went so well at first…

The first trip went without a hitch. Yes, my new spray-on skinny jeans make the whole process a little cumbersome, but I’m still in and out in a flash.

Madness come on, lots of dancing is done and plenty of fluid is drunk. I’ve not had much to eat so I am sensibly alternating every glass of wine with a soft drink. Fun is had and, to be honest, I could have danced all night but it was time to get the train home. Before that could happen, a trip to the Ladies is required, not only to empty my bladder but also my bag (both of which were full of liquid).

Portable toilets in the dark – take a torch!

When I used the portable toilet earlier it was still daylight… but now it’s 10.30pm and, on entering the cubicle, I realise that it’s pitch black in there. It’s ok though, because I have a torch on my phone and I can position that on the little sink so I can see what I am doing.

Nappy bag in hand, sat on the toilet (I can’t hover so I wipe that down with hand sanitiser first), with my skinny jeans around my knees, I start unrolling my very full bag.

Disaster strikes

Next thing, my phone falls and - perhaps a little due to the fact that I’m tipsy - I let go of my stoma bag outlet and make a grab for my phone.

Before I can even get to my phone, my bag completely empties itself of liquid output into my jeans… which have now become an impromptu bucket.

I manage to find my phone and survey the damage. My jeans have collected the entire contents. Fortunately, that has saved my shoes. Unfortunately, as previously mentioned, these jeans are spray-on so I can’t even lift them to empty some of it into the loo. My only choice is to pull them up and let it all run down inside my legs.

Making the most of an uncomfortable situation

The bonus of the output being completely liquid is that it doesn’t stink but at least if it had been normal output I could have scooped the majority out and wet-wiped what was left.

There is nothing left to do but to exit the loo as I am; we are now going to miss the last train home if we don’t get a shift on.

Even though my jeans were drenched, my friends didn’t even notice until I told them because my jeans were dark blue anyway. What else was there to do but have a good laugh about it?

I survived – what’s the worst that can happen?

We made the train and I had a rain mac with me so I sat on that to protect the seats. Luckily we had to change trains and at that station, the toilets were miraculously open. The skin on my legs was really stinging so I peeled my jeans back off, wiped my legs over with wet wipes and continued my journey.

No one even noticed, the whole way home (or, if they did, they didn’t say anything)… and I survived! So I guess it goes to show: what’s really the worst that can happen?