Managing your Mental Health with a Stoma

Having a stoma often comes as a result of a chronic illness or disease and we often overcompensate in other areas of our lives to make up for our poor health and the way in which it impacts our day-to-day. This can lead to burn out (even if you're not working) and poor mental health.

It’s not just physical health symptoms that can cause anxiety, frustration, confusion and exhaustion. Medications can cause insomnia, cognitive difficulties and an inability to tolerate hot and/or cold temperatures amongst other things. These two factors can lead to further concerns and worries.

While an ostomy may clear up the symptoms of the disease or illness that initially caused us to have the stoma surgery, the stoma itself can bring new worries or anxieties. For example, how will I cope? Not just day-to-day but also the adjustment to body image. How will it affect my romantic relationships? Will I be able to be as physical as I was before? In sport, work or even just with my kids? Even simple worries like, what will I be able to wear? Or will I be able to leave the house?

We often don’t notice depression or anxiety creeping up on us, it often takes a friend to point it out or we don’t realise it ourselves until we hit rock bottom. When suddenly we can’t get out of bed or leave the house, or when we do leave the house, we can’t stop crying. I once found myself in the middle of one those clothes rails carousels in M&S, that small kids normally clamber inside, because I just started crying hysterically and I could not stop. I had no idea I was even going to start. I didn’t know what to do so I just climbed in there to hide and to try and compose myself, but I couldn’t, so I had to make a mad dash from there to my car when a lovely sales assistant came to check if I was okay.

We need to be kinder to ourselves. As well as remembering that what we see on social media is often people posting their good days, we also need to remember to not hold ourselves to impossible standards like the perfect career, home life and relationships. Very few of us have those even with the absolute best of health.

Stress and inadequate rest contribute to both poor mental health and poor physical health. A good way to combat stress and be kinder to yourself is by saying “No” more often. It’s nice to feel useful by helping out a friend who is struggling with shopping or lifts, or maybe looking after their kids when they’re sick but if you’re doing this when your cup is half empty then you’re actually doing yourself a disservice and not helping yourself in the long run. You might get short term serotonin burst for doing a good deed but when you can’t get out of bed for 3 days in a row, you’ll feel crappy about how you’re coping at home.

That said there will always be good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks. It’s not always in your control, sometimes it’s seasonal – again that counts for physical and mental health. Enjoy the moments of respite and on the hardest of days, remember every little thing is a win. So just getting out of bed is a win. Well done, you’ve won the day, anything else is a bonus. You brushed your teeth. Win number two! You didn’t brush your teeth? Not to worry, you already won today by getting out of bed! Maybe you will tomorrow but let’s not worry about that now. Let’s watch a box set to celebrate being able to get out of bed. Sometimes it’s just being able to put one foot in front of the other.

Lastly, speak to friends and family who get it. You’ll be surprised who suffers or has suffered from mental health problems. We are all chattier about it these days but still not chatty enough, and when we are going through it, especially because of our health it can seem very lonely and like it’s only happening to us. Nowadays you don’t have to even leave your house to talk to a professional and there are apps that mean you don’t even have to video chat with someone you can do it via messaging or telephone call. Also don’t be put off by the price of private counselling, if you can’t wait for help on the NHS some of the apps offer affordable options.