Flares - And Not The Kind You Wear

by Sam Melling

Flares And Not The Kind You Wear

Some days I feel absolutely fine other days I feel absolutely not-fine…

Every morning I’m able to put my ‘get up and go’ face on… supported by my team of primer, base, and bronzer, joined closely by my friend mascara. I leave the house protected behind a collection of very well-known brands and I do feel ready to face the day’s challenges. However, my clothes and makeup hide a multitude of sins.

Inside I feel pain in my joints, my body and even my skin. It’s so hard to explain and that’s half the trouble!

One minute I can be steaming ahead and the next I can be struggling to walk, fatigued and feeling swollen all over my body. This takes its toll; my head tells me I’m capable, my body tells me I’m not. My heart hurts and longs to be better, to be the old more resilient me… though I am not. Mentally coming to terms with this is a struggle.

I have all the right people around me and my life is filled with love and joy and excitement but there’s an undertone, a terrifying realisation that I could be knocked off my feet completely during a flare (where old symptoms suddenly resurge) and rendered ‘out of order’ for a week or two. The flares, when they happen, are scary and that’s mainly because they come out of nowhere. I wish they were more familiar and predictable - like a good pair of trusty denim flares instead!

On a serious note, I’m more aware of my mental state during my low points and flares…

Symptom flares are challenging, but I am more than capable of overcoming them, even though when I’m in the midst of them it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I’m okay, for a short while, to sit and dwell on a low day – but not for too long! What I’m still learning is that I need to be more ready to say, “I’m not okay”. Also, the warpaint I use isn’t always a good idea – if people think you’re okay, they expect you to function at the same level as your ‘absolutely fine’ days… and more often than not I’m living a ‘not fine’ day, I just don’t like the people around me to know it. So I guess that’s me being honest and telling you: I’m not always fine. I’m not fine today but maybe I will be tomorrow, and I guess that’s enough to get me there.

Now, where’s my make-up bag? And, if you’re reading this… how are you today?

Sam Melling

About the author

AKA TheModernBagLady, I enjoy Tapas Tuesdays, Fizz Thursdays and Fun time Fridays. When I'm not my sensible (using the term very loosely) office alter ego, I can be found seeking new adventures, wondering in woodlands, flirting with festivals and lightly laughing my way through the trials and tribulations that any “bag lady” faces. 

Add a Comment

    This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

    Enter your email address to join our email list

    Message Sent

    Thank you for submitting your enquiry. We will be in contact with you shortly